The run-down of the time my son tried to have a rave in the desert for his 18th birthday

Jakepalooza

Burning Jake

Jakearoo

Jakechella

The play on words (and epic concert venues) went on and on. The flyer was sent to a manageable list of friends. The plan was in place. Camping in Joshua Tree. A bonfire of old Christmas trees. And lots of music. Because that is what Jake is all about. His music. This kid dreams BIG.

So when it turned into 75 kids wanting to caravan out to the desert on a cold winter weekend in January, his father and I raised our eyebrows (and our voices). "WHAT?!?? Are you INSANE?! That's not happening." He couldn't for the life of him wrap his head around why we were putting the kibosh on his plans.

"We're EIGHTEEN!"

Yes my darling son you have reached a milestone. Quicker than I could have anticipated. Sometimes I still see the little three year old swinging his bat with all his might in our back yard. The one who was born to swim and whose bright blue eyes lit up at hearing the name Santa. Now I see a man standing in my kitchen who makes protein shakes and runs his own business. ALL.GROWN.UP. Except for the parts where you aren't. NOT.QUITE.YET. You still depend on dear old mom and dad for enough things that adulting is something that you are still practicing. Our job is to let you go little by little until your capacity for good judgement and responsible decision making ripens just a TAD more. So no.

"NOTHING is going to happen! You always think the worst!"

Again, you are correct! My mama brain can conjure up things that haven't ever happened to anyone, but it's possible that an earthquake could split the sand beneath your tent and drag you down into the depths of the Earth. Or maybe not. But you really aren't prepared to deal with a scenario like that. Or many of the other very real and possible scenarios that could happen in the middle of nowhere with 75 teenagers. It was brought to my attention that many of the girls that had planned on joining the group had NEVER been camping before. I suggest that maybe a weekend on a dry lake bed in 30 degree temps with no running water or toilets may not be the first camping experience they would hope for? Just a thought. But even if you're just sitting around a campfire roasting marshmallows and singing kum-bah-yah, with that many people, chances go WAY up that something bad will occur. So still no.

"When will you TRUST me?"

Oh my. I could trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life and this would still be a bad idea. With maturity comes trust (see above). Social media has taught me many things and one of them is how much we as parents CANNOT blindly trust what you, our teens, are doing. Engaging in activities on "the down low" and with utmost secrecy is almost like a badge of honor for your age group. Secret accounts, secret apps to hide pictures, etc. Smartphones and Snapchat encourage secretive behaviors that often lead to poor choices and even worse consequences. I know what happens in our house. I have no idea what the other 74 kids may be thinking and I don't trust that either. So again, no.

"Can't we COMPROMISE?"

Actually yes. I am completely willing to negotiate terms with you as a budding adult. I will lay out my expectations of you and you can overlay your hopes and wishes and we will see if we can come to a conclusion both of us can live with. This is a great life lesson for that adulting thing I mentioned earlier. You have to know my precious boy that the way things will work out will not always be what you envisioned or even what you really wanted. Sometimes you will be blessed beyond belief and have the desires of your heart. Other times (most other times) you will have to give and take and sometimes just concede because it's the right thing to do. Do it with grace and your heart will be full. I promise.

P.S. After days of back and forth, we did reach a mutually agreeable compromise. 25 kids, 1 wary but always willing dad, 15 fire ready Christmas trees, and 2 large speakers made for a very memorable (and safer) 18th birthday. The picture speaks for itself. I hear plans are already in the works for a repeat next year. #BurningJake2019

She Rested Her Head on My Shoulder and I Didn't Dare Move

She rested her head on my shoulder and I didn't dare move. As we watched the waves roll in, I did everything in my power not to upset the moment. Because it was a moment of joy, as my almost-18-year-old daughter closed the distance that had lately grown between us. It was a moment of hope, that maybe she still found comfort and security there, upon the shoulder that she'd used as a resting place so often in the early years.

She rested her head on my shoulder and I didn't dare move. As the beauty of God's great ocean reminded me of how fleeting this life on earth is, I did everything in my power not to forget that one special moment. Because lately, I've been distracted. Because lately, I've lost focus of the important things. Because lately, it's easier to react to the loudest noise rather than seek out the holy silence.

She rested her head on my shoulder and I didn't dare move. As the sun settled on the horizon, I did everything in my power not to weep. Because just as the light faded, I've felt my moments with her fading too. She'll be out on her own in less than a year. And lately, I've felt the loss of my first baby with her wispy blond curls and determination. I miss the little girl in pink lace who came equipped with equal parts reliance and independence. And I wish I had more time with the young lady who, this year, seemed to magically experience more growth and grace and enlightenment than could be measured, all to prepare her for now.

The pride swelled in my heart with every thought of our moments gone too soon, and the pain hitched in my heart with every reminder that she will be too. So I held back the tears and anchored into that moment when she rested her head on my shoulder and I didn't dare move.

{J}

Another #ONEWORD because TWO of us write this blog even though you may not have known that...

Oh blogging world! It has been TOO LONG! My wonderful, talented and patient friend and writing partner has taken up my slack for the past year few months and graciously allowed my name to still appear on these pages, for which I will be forever grateful. Sometimes it just takes awhile to get one's ducks in a row, and although some of mine continue to waddle off, I feel that most of them are finally staying put. One of which is this crazy writing dream that we jumped into with full faith years ago and continue to pursue in spite of set-backs and heartbreak and all the other crazy feels. Moving forward...

In revealing my #ONEWORD for 2018 I first have to share that it was really HARD to narrow down my list. I thought of HEALTH which was my 2016 choice but is still just as important this year and probably will be a focus of mine for years to come (being over 45 40 now). INTENTIONAL was another choice a few years ago and seems to be a constant thought that niggles at the back of my brain with my children growing into adults before my very eyes. My oldest will graduate this year. My youngest son will get his permit and my daughter will start middle school (which terrifies me in other ways but that's another post). I have no babies anymore!

This year is the year of many lasts. I can't think about them without tearing up. Making time with each of them more intentional has been a goal since school started. There have been some hurdles. If I could destroy all cell phones and social media it would be much easier to be intentional with people (aka TEENAGERS) who are addicted to seeing what everyone else is doing and saying and tweeting and snapping and posting at all times, all day. Ugh. ENFORCING is another word for another post (and EXHAUSTED).

An interesting thing that I've noticed more and more about myself is I tend to put all the chores, jobs, lists and other "need-to" (and BORING according to my daughter) things above and before binging Netflix, dance party, and all the other FUN. If there are dirty dishes in the sink its very hard for me to "not see them". It leaves me feeling like a task master. It has really limited the amount of good feelings that I have in my home and with my family when we are all together just hanging out. I'm thinking of what's on everyone's chore list and they are regretting that they are home or trying to avoid eye contact so I don't ask them to clean the toilet. It's no bueno. My MOOD then spreads through the house until no one is happy or joyful. Boo.

So my #ONEWORD for 2018 is JOY. I need to see the JOY in all the events that will be taking place over the next year, even when my heart feels sad or the dishwasher needs to be unloaded. The feelings will run the gamut I know. I will need to have GRACE for myself and those around me and choose JOY first. One of my favorite authors said this:

“I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.” 
― Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

That. Right there.  That's what my 2018 is going to INTENTIONALLY be about. I want to be glad of my life in spite of the mundane daily sameness and live it to the fullest with those I love around me. ALL the feelings. ALL the words. ALL the things. JOY. It's time.

~Holly

New Blog, New Word

Happy New Year, friends!! How can we already be in 2018? Can someone answer that question for me? When I was young, I distinctly remember old people often said, "Slow down and enjoy your youth. It's gone before you know it." But I really didn't think those old people had a clue so obviously, I ignored them and turned up Wham on my walkman.

But guess what? I'm that old person now, and I repeat those words so often my kids are sure I'm losing my memory. But really, I think it's more of a wish, that in some way, hindsight and perspective might just form a bridge so I may travel back in time and respect my elders. I'm told time-travel is unlikely though, so instead, I'll keep telling my teens to slow down and enjoy. They think I'm senile wise. They love to hear me talk.

Sorry. Let me get back on track. So in 2017, my #ONEWORD was optimism and my goal was to infuse joy in my tiny corner of the world. I attempted to teach my children how to find the truth and happiness and positivity amidst the judges and criticizers and trolls surrounding them. I think we did a pretty good job but I'm rolling over my 2017 word and adding it to the agenda this year. We should really make a habit of optimism.

In 2018, my #ONEWORD actually has two unique meanings, both of which I'll attempt to employ this year. First, MUSE: An instance or period of reflection. With a year of transitions ahead - mainly, my girl going to college and leaving me with all the stinky boys - I really think the best way for me to cope is for me to be completely aware of ALL THE FEELINGS that are sure to flood in. And the only way to be truly aware is to reflect, discern and then process, preferably without crawling into a hole, or violently lashing out, or relying too heavily on vodka and Netflix. It's called balance, 2016's #ONEWORD, in fact. This definition of MUSE has a lot packed into it. Even typing all those expectations out kinda makes me want to take a nap. But I'm going to try. That's my first step.

Maybe I'll have a bit more measurable success with the second meaning of MUSE: a source of inspiration; a guiding genius. This definition most definitely requires me to get my ass back in the seat. (My writerly friends will get the reference.) It's time to kick up the writing again. Not just blog posts and articles, but THE BOOK.

Last year, when Holly and I got swept up in a vortex of political correctness and controversy and bad timing, the wind was taken right out of our sails. Actually, our ship crashed right into a massive wall of rock. We were crushed. And it's taken some time to remember the origins of our journey. Our purpose. We spent some time ashore, we've rounded up the good lumber and assembled an even better, sturdier ship, and we're ready to take to the waters again. For this journey, we will trust our MUSE, and keep our eyes on the horizon.

So MUSE will be my guide and my goal. I look forward to 2018 with equal parts excitement and pause, but filled to the brim with gratitude. I hope you have found that #ONEWORD that helps you navigate the exciting year ahead. Maybe a word that will stretch you or anchor you. Please share. We'd love to cheer you on along the way.

Wishing you lots of love, a solid tribe and a year overflowing with blessings great and small.

Jenn

By the way, if you don't listen to MUSE (amazing artists), please fix that. Some songs to download and enjoy: Madness, Uprising, Starlight, Panic Station, Undisclosed Desires, New Born. You're welcome.

So Many Feelings

One of my favorite parts about taking Christmas down is going through all the cards one more time before wrapping them up for storage. Then, when I put them away, I go through one stack from a previous year. This year, with Bella on the verge of leaving for college, I won’t lie, I was a bit of a mess. So many cards from so many beautiful families that we’ve done life with. I’m feeling overwhelming gratitude for this community and I cherish the life we’ve been blessed with.

And see the Beacon Point Climbing Tree ornament in the picture? When a huge branch was cut from the tree at the end of our street - the tree that ALL the neighborhood kids grew up climbing - our sweet neighbor made these so we’d always have a piece of that priceless memory. (I’m bawling!! Aren’t you bawling?!?!)

So as we put a wrap on the crazy, busy, hectic, happy, beautiful and bountiful holiday season, I hope you can find a way to ignore the annoying mess and soak up the fleeting memories. Because all too soon, we tie them up with a ribbon and pack them away. ❤️

#feelingdeeplytoday #ALLtheemotions #letscommittolesscomplaining #lifeisreallygood #godbless2018

{J}

Family Christmas Poem

Family...You are the:

Happy to my holiday.

Jingle in my bells.

Nut to my cracker.

Fruit to my cake.

Present under my tree.

Ho, Ho to my Ho.

Wish to my star.

Home for my holiday.

Candy to my cane.

Kiss under the mistletoe.

Holly to my jolly.

Winter to my wonderland.

Deck to my halls.

Ginger to my bread.

Happy to my heart.

Milk to my cookie.

Joy to my world.

Star atop my tree.

Love of my life.

Merry Christmas!!

{J}

Happy Halloween...Really!

Happy Halloween! What a fun holiday, especially if you have kids who still dress up and go TOTING (Trick Or Treating), like all youthful candy-hoarders do. I'll admit, I've really enjoyed the annual excuse to eat too many Twix bars and Butterfingers. I have very little willpower.

When the kids were younger, we had them dress in coordinating costumes. How much say should kids under five really have about their costumes, right? My favorite year, our boys were the brave Prince and cuddly Gus-the-Mouse to match Bella's Cinderella costume. (Photo reference above...SO CUTE!)

When the kids were younger, we used to determine exactly how many pieces of candy they could ingest on Halloween and each day after, for roughly one week. At that point, the Candy Fairy would visit and magically whisk the candy away (except the Twix bars and Butterfingers), leaving a delightful treat in its place, sure to bring just as much joy to our candy-addicts' sugar-overloaded hearts.

When the kids were younger, we'd share a pre-TOTING meal with friends - chili, salad, cornbread and some sort of Autumn-blend, micro-brewed beer. Then we'd take pictures with ALL the neighborhood kids before setting out through elaborately decorated streets, dodging ghouls and collecting goodies, all the while capturing photos and video at each doorstep and reminding them of their lines: "Trick or Treat" and "Thank you!"

When the kids were younger, we had a little more control of the Halloween festivities. But now that they're older, the holiday has taken on a new feel. Today, our kids have their own thoughts on costumes and there's no way you'd find them in any sort of coordinating set. Dorothy, a Ninja Turtle and the Headless Horseman don't go together, and that's okay. Today our kids have their own hidden stashes of their candy favs and they don't have to ask for permission to indulge, and that's okay. Today our kids have their own plans for Halloween - parties and hanging with friends - and none of those plans include mom and dad following closely behind with a video camera, and that's okay too.

Today is a different Halloween and I'll admit, I'm a little sad about it. Not simply because they're growing up, but because the festivities lack the luster when the kids aren't around. So friends, keep those kids close and gobble up those Halloween memories. You never know when it's going to be the last one with them.

Happy Halloween! I'm going to make myself a cocktail and have a Twix (and maybe a Butterfinger.)

{J}

(This post was originally published in 2014 but applies this year. I'm happy to report the ditching didn't hurt as much this year. I'll call that growth. Or maybe concession.)