Friends, I know this is a tricky
subject that can be strewn with harsh opinions and great big fears. I share
these thoughts as my nineteen-year-old daughter navigates the new world of
relationships and only with her permission. My hope is to be helpful to others
who may not know how to talk to their adult children about sex. IMHO, this
topic applies to daughters and sons, regardless of their sexual orientation,
and it shouldn't be avoided, shamed, or brushed over, rather it should be
talked about with honesty, compassion and awareness. If this scares you, I get
it. If this offends you, I'm sorry. If this is useful, amen. So here goes...
A mother’s wish for her daughter about
sex.
It’s conflicted and pulls on my heart
relentlessly.
Hopes for true love and gentleness and
long gazes mix with images of a little girl who can’t possibly be old enough
yet.
Concerns for her heart to be sheltered
against the roller coaster of regret and fortified with conviction
in a decision that just doesn’t seem to ever have the right timing, at least in
her mother’s mind.
But it’s not about me. It’s about a
girl who’s always had the ability to read a room and find the safe places
there. It’s about a girl who feels fully and deeply with all the emotions. It’s
about a girl who isn’t really a girl anymore.
As a woman, I want her to discover the
immense connection that lovers and partners can share. To explore intimacy and
discover how to grow in her love, physically and emotionally. I want her to
know how the strength of a marriage is partly dependent upon a commitment to
loving each other and reconnecting intimately and regularly. I want her to be a
good partner and I want her to know what a good partner looks like. She
deserves to be loved wholly.
As a young woman, unmarried and
exploring the world of relationships, I want her to be discerning, not
careless. Cherished, not used. Respected and revered. I want her to take her
time. I want her to know that sex is not a tool or a game or a way to barter.
As a Catholic, I want her to wait. To
know the sacred bond that exists between partners for life when they give the
gift of their whole selves to each other.
As a human, I want her to know that
sex is natural and beautiful and can still be sacred. Finding the balance
between timing and maturity is different for everyone. But I want her to know
that I will be here if she’s scared or confused or sad. Just as I will
celebrate with her when she’s elated and committed and ready.
If I could have one wish for my daughter
about sex, it would be that she is loved and knows how to love. That she has no
regret in the decision to share the most intimate experience with her partner
when she knows the timing is absolutely right. That she’s safe and in control.
That her voice and the desires of her heart are heard. And that her partner
realizes what a gift, a priceless, cherished gift he holds in his hands.
That is this mother's wish for her
beautiful, beloved daughter.
(Photo by HOP DESIGN on Unsplash.)
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