My Long-Lost Mermaid Sister...

I want to be a writer. Wait, scratch that. I want to be a published author. I make the distinction with a hindsight view of a journey that still stretches in front of me even while I reflect on how far I've come.

I've always wanted to be an author. My first poem that I wrote in the second grade, was widely distributed throughout my neighborhood, mostly because I made copies. BY HAND. I didn't send it via email, nor did I use a copy machine...I actually wrote out more than twenty copies. There were no fancy, computer-generated graphics, although I'm pretty sure there was a child's rendering of a flower-maybe a daisy-rose hybrid?-sketched up at the top. And I didn't seal it in an envelope to be stuck anonymously in each mailbox, sending a text message alerting to its placement in said mailboxes. I actually went door-to-door, having real conversations with whoever answered (usually of the adult-type) about my poem and why it was important for them to read. When I reflect on this first experiment in poetry, my first "project," it is evident that my love of writing blossomed at an early age. And it went far beyond the pen and page.

Since then, I haven't stopped. Writing has always been a natural creative outlet for me, even when it took on different shapes. During elementary school, I wrote short narratives about long-lost mermaid sisters, beautiful ocean or forest getaways, treasure-hunting and super powers, sometimes all wrapped up in one character...usually me, or my long-lost mermaid sister. In middle school and high school, my practice shifted to note-swapping with my best friend Ally. We wrote mostly about boys, and the girls that chased those boys. It was lots of expository writing of drama and conflict and resolution. In college, my Philosophy degree allowed me to expand into new realms as historical analyses of the ancient enlightened became my next pursuit.

When I met my husband, I reverted back to the writing I loved: poetry, short stories and reflections on LOVE. I wrote letters to my babies before they were born, and even more to them since. This has been my journey.

Just over a year ago, I joined a writing group with some amazing and inspirational women who, like me, found a calling in telling stories. With their help, and a group of characters that wouldn't get out of my head until I put them on the page, I wrote my first novel: a women's fiction piece that incorporates a shooting, a ghost and a love story. (Compelling, don't you think?) I didn't start with a synopsis or a plot line or a character chart...I started with a feeling and a dream. Six months later, I printed the first draft of my book, all 378 pages of it! I spent the summer taking that manuscript everywhere with me. (It especially enjoyed our sunny beach days and our camping trip to Carpinteria.) I was reading, revising, adding, crossing-out....with a pen, the old-fashioned way. I couldn't get the story out of my mind and it took three months to go through one edit.

Meanwhile, I devoured every book that I could find, (reading makes my "writing-mode" so much more accessible), and I researched everything I found about how to get a book published. I wrote a synopsis and a plot line and a character chart. I wrote and re-wrote my query letter. (For those who wonder, it's a letter that you need to get a literary agent whose job it is to get you published, if you're going the traditional route, which is my goal. But that's another story.) It's all been very exciting, but it's been very scary too. On more than one occasion, I have lost hope, because really? Does this book suck?!? It's hard to know...I'm too close. Oh yeah, and apparently, it is SUPER hard to get that literary agent, let alone get published. It only happens for about one percent of my fellow dreamers...the lucky and talented ones. (Still don't know if I'm either.)

Then at church on Sunday, Father Reynold talked about the Epiphany and how the three wise men didn't completely understand where they were going when they began their journey to a birthday party for Jesus. They didn't know exactly where their path would lead, or what their future would bring. But what they did have was faith...faith in their journey.

"Hellloooo God! I hear you!" That message was a reminder to me, and can be to you, regardless of your religious persuasion, that we don't have to know exactly what the outcome of our pursuits will be for them to be worthy of pursuing. We won't always find the result we expect. In fact, it's more likely that our hindsight view will uncover an altogether, twisty-turny, full of surprises, different path that lead to where we were traveling. And I bet that path will be better, more interesting, full-of-lessons and enlightenment, than the path we originally charted for ourselves.

I'm where I should be, following my dream, not just to write a book, I did that, but to refine that work, hope for an agent, pray for a publisher, and aim to reach people with my story. If this book doesn't fulfill that dream, and I really don't know if it will, I will keep writing. Because that is my passion...this is my journey, even if I have to go door-to-door, or post-to-post, following my dream...my beacon in the night.

So dream...dream BIG! Abandon your fear of the unknown, chart a path but leave time for oh-so-fun side trips, dare to suck, and have faith in your journey. People out there: listen for the doorbell...

We are on our way!

{J}

Pinterest

Oh Pinterest! I can't get enough of your wonderful ideas! Is there even one bad thing about you? I have planned several vacations to places I've never heard of, put together the perfect home and the perfect outfit, and have lived vicariously through those of you that have put on the greatest Summer BBQ (complete with homemade napkin rings and...a circus tent?) I know that as I spend time gazing at all the lovely things, I am gaining so much knowledge in my time-wasting that it can only be for the betterment of my family. Otherwise they may have never known about "Taco's in a Muffin tin."

AND that there were so many ways to arrange living room furniture (it's a sickness people). It's eye candy and inspiration all in a perfect package! Although MOST of the pictures we see are really quite remarkable, there are those few that make you do a double take. For instance, tattoo pictures (hmmm...), photoshopped pictures of baby faces on animal bodies or vice versa (just weird), and the urinal halloween costume...well, it's creative...

I prefer to use it as a place to store all the things I like, what makes me laugh and what I hope to have, do, make, or to visit someday. There is also the downside. The one-upping mentality. The knowing my pictures will never quite look the same. The knowing that I will never be able to live up to the "Super-Room Mom" craft ideas for my kids' teachers.

Oh well. I think I'm OK with that. The pictures are pretty and sometimes that's all I need. Find our favorites on our Pinterest Boards with the links! What are some of your favorite Pinterest Pics?

{H}

Spread a Little JOY

Happy Monday everyone! Or happy first day back to school after Christmas break! I'm actually not that happy about it. I know for some, getting the kids back in school is a stress reliever, but for me it is stressful to get back in the routine of getting up early, getting homework done, and getting everyone to bed on time...only to start again. This break I have been especially mindful of hugging my kids a little tighter and cuddling on the couch a little longer. So today marks the end of our lazy pajama days and I'm a little sad.

This weekend I got to thinking about how to make January something to look forward to instead of dread. So it isn't just about getting back on a schedule, trying to keep resolutions and make it to the gym (or not eat milk duds). How do I make the feeling of Christmas last through January and beyond? You know, that feeling you get when the lights are still up on the tree and you've watched all your loved ones open special gifts picked out just for them. Joy. I want to drag Joy with me into this new year! I already shared how I need to work on my spiritual growth. I think one of the best ways to do that is by giving back. Serving in some way, big or small. I think a perfect way to keep Joy in your heart all year long is by spreading it around!

My oldest son's Lion's Heart group (a community service organization) met this weekend and talked about ways they could serve. It just so happens that one of the boys in the group is a younger brother to a young man that attended Sandy Hook Elementary when he was in Kindergarten (years ago). He and his family have been collecting donations to send back to Newtown so friends of theirs from Sandy Hook can use the money for the best good. One of the ideas brought up in the meeting was to help him collect donations for Newtown and show them, in that small way, that we are with them, sharing in their grief, and wanting to show support. A simple idea that will hopefully bless those whose suffering surpasses my understanding.

A friend of mine Molly, (you can see Molly's blog and learn more about her fabulous prayer journals here) has come up with a wonderful idea called "Blessing Bags". She and her family took much of their winter break to collect donations and items to fill large plastic bags. The bags will be filled with blankets, non-perishable food items, water bottles, and Bibles. The idea is to have them in the back of your car so that if you see someone in need, you have something to hand them that will immediately help. You can find out more information about Project Blessing Bags here. Simple. Spreading Joy.
Another friend of mine Emmy, is using her time and talents to give Joy to those who have struggled with infertility. She has planned an event that is SURE to spread Joy to many women and families that are wondering what little miracles 2013 will bring! She has used her experiences to reach out to others and give back. Another simple idea that will bless so many. You will be hearing more from her when she does a guest post on Friday!

What about you? We would love to hear all the ways that you plan to give back or things you have done in the past that kept the Joy flowing all year long! Leave your message to us in the comments section! We can't wait to get some more good ideas.

As for me, I'll be helping all these causes and giving my time to do whatever I can. It's not a lot, but it's a start and that's the first step. As for today, I'll kiss my kids when they get home, make a snack before homework starts, and ease into our "back to school" routine. Keeping it simple and spreading a little Joy, that's what it's all about.

{H}

Confession...

Hi all, Jenn here. It's my turn for confession. Like Holly, I am struggling with "consumption" issues of my own. But what's perched on my pedestal is an oh so popular and oh so delicious beverage...I am addicted to Diet Coke! There, I’ve said it. It feels good to get that off my chest, although many of you already know this about me. I LOVE the sweet, bubbly, slightly caffeinated beverage way too much! And I know it's not good for me, and I've tried to stop, but I've never been successful for long.

For the last two years, I have spent 40 days, sometime in the spring, denying myself of Diet Coke in the name of religion. Yes...I have to admit that the D.C. is what I have given up for Lent...TWICE...and this is what that looks like:

For roughly two weeks before Lent, I'm cranky, because I know what’s coming. During those same two weeks, I try to find some other destructive habit or profound outreach effort that would be a better use of my 40-day sacrifice. But truth be told, Diet Coke really is the one destructive habit without which I must turn to God for strength, (not to mention a healthy dose of perspective, because really?!?! It’s just DIET COKE!!!) It is my one true, spring-in-my-step, vice.

Then Ash Wednesday hits, seemingly earlier every year, I might add, and it’s on. Me against the D.C., friends. And watch out…once Thursday afternoon comes around, I am a different person.

By the weekend, my family wants to denounce our religion for the chance to have their relatively normal, accommodating, fun-loving, mom back. Every request they make is met with a teeth-clenching glare. I am just NOT nice. And I know my reaction is unreasonable, but in my efforts to suppress it, I turn into a crazy lady. And my poor husband. He really can't seem to do anything right! EVERYTHING he does makes me wonder why I have to live with this man who is so clearly out of touch and unsympathetic with my plight! If I didn't have so many little ears milling around (and they are EVERYWHERE), I would give him a piece of my mind! You see, when I give up Diet Coke, I turn into a terrible person!

But the hysteria doesn't last for long. Within about two weeks, I'm more practiced in my sacrifice and I can cope again. First comes the apology - MINE - then comes the forgiveness - THEIRS - and we find normalcy again. I usually focus on some other project for the remaining few weeks and the distraction is GREAT. Only a few more weeks to go and I'm free! I'm not talking about free from my addiction, no. Once I fulfill my Lenten obligation, I'm free to go back to my "dealer" and start using again. That's what it feels like, anyway.

I believe my problem is twofold. Diet Coke is full of chemicals that my body does not recognize and those chemicals have a physical hold on me. Those same chemicals will have a negative impact if I continue to feed my habit for the next ten, twenty, even thirty or more years. And although there are other, chemical-free alternatives that I could choose, I typically don't. I'm not a coffee drinker and I’m an inclement-weather tea drinker, at best.


Diet Coke has an even greater emotional hold on me. I must have it every day! When I take my three shiny quarters to the vending machine at work, I'm giddy. On the days I don't work, my car finds a reason to drive through a D.C. establishment by midday so I can get my fix. (I don't keep it in the house...tooooo dangerous.) Diet Coke, in my hot little hands, with its infusion of pleasure, when I want it, makes me happy. Leading a busy life, with a family who has immediate needs, with a job (albeit part-time) that requires immediate attention, with a book draft that requires immediate editing, I have very few things that are in MY immediate and absolute control. And one of those sweet indulgences that I get, when I want it, is my Diet Coke.

As much as my intake of Diet Coke is a problem, the issue at the heart of my compulsion, is the imbalance in my life that has me grasping for some small semblance of control. It's the avoidance of those annoying to-do's, the overabundance of tasks I've committed to, it's the Super-Mom, Super-Wife, Super-Worker, Super-Writer, Super-Woman standard that I've adopted as my measuring stick, that has lead to my unhealthy need. And that, my friends, is what I need to fix.

Stay tuned...

{J}

My Sugar Pedestal

One of my biggest comforts is sugar. This is my inherent problem. I love it. I can't get enough. It is my drug. The first step of addiction recovery is to admit there is a problem. Anyone who sees me in a bikini can see I have a problem. But, when I have clothes on, I'm good at covering it up. I've had to be. My body is not looking the way I want and it brings up feelings of shame and defeat. Fooling others by hiding my rolls and bulges has taken practice and energy and frankly I'm worn out from it. My dirty little secret is that I sneak sugar. Candy, ice cream, cookies, they all make me feel better. When I'm stressed, feeling down, or just need something to look forward to I turn to sugar. I eat it {a lot of it}when I'm alone and no one can see. The problem with dirty little secrets is that they are like dirty laundry; one day they are aired out for all to see and then one becomes ACCOUNTABLE.


Accountability is "to accept responsibility and disclose results in a transparent manner." It's the opposite of trying to fool people. I know the only one that I have been fooling is myself. Granted, sugar addiction doesn't have the devastating physical effects of alcohol or cocaine but the mentality is the same and that is what I need to change. I'm too smart for that and I know God has bigger and better plans for me. I can't be ready to do what He wants if my focus is on the cinnamon roll I want to have for breakfast. So where is my motivation? Being accountable is motivating, but if I isolate myself and tell everyone that it's all "fine," who am I being accountable too? Wanting to fit into my jeans without needing Spanx to hold everything in has not been enough to keep me from putting Milk Duds in my popcorn. Ugh.


I came across a book recently that has inspired me to let go of this burden and start this journey. For those of you that don't know her, Lysa Terkurst is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She is also the author of "Made to Crave", the book that is helping me change my life.


Let me back up for a minute and give you a little more information about me. Along with my realization that I needed to make changes in my weight and health, I have also realized that I have put God and my spiritual growth on the "back burner." Does this sound familiar to anyone? I was raised to believe in God but it wasn't until I had my first child that I was taught about following Jesus. It forever changed me. I had some very dark years (I will share some of that another time) but Jesus taught me about GRACE and that saved me. Literally. So who am I to put HIM on the back burner?

At this point you may be wondering what Jesus and losing weight have in common? After all, Jesus is supposed to be more concerned with what's in my heart than how many rolls I have hanging over my jeans, right? Well it's true He is. BUT he's also very concerned with what I am desiring. Earlier I shared that one of my deepest desires is sugar. Jesus wants my deepest desire to be Him. He wants me to turn to Him when I'm stressed or feeling down. I have put sugar on a pedestal and become obsessed with its effects. I turned it into an idol. Now, as I put my Lord and Savior back into His rightful place on that pedestal, and do the work I need to in order to keep Him there, my journey begins.

Now back to Lysa for a second. Her blog is great, her devotionals are funny and inspiring, and this book (the first I have read of hers) has given me the direction and pointed out the source of motivation that I have been searching for. For the next several weeks, I will share with you what I have learned from her and how it is truly helping me make the significant changes I need to. It's motivation, accountability and grace all rolled into one! I can't think of a better way to start off 2013. Can you?


{H}

In The Beginning

Hello friends! Holly here...so glad you're here today! Happy New Year~! I had lots of plans of how I wanted to introduce myself. Stories to tell so you would have an idea about how I think and what I'm all about. Hopefully it would be interesting enough for you to come back and read more. BUT I've scrapped that plan. It would take too long to get to the nitty gritty of where I am in life right now and what I really want to share with you. It's a new year and change is in the air!

My first change? I feel FAT and I'm sick of it. I'm not obese, and I'm not healthy, I'm somewhere in the middle. Healthy is where I want to be. It's been a gradual, slow change over the last few years. Until now, this minute. Now, I stand looking in a mirror and obsess over every roll and undefined muscle. I'm late (or MORE late) everywhere because I have to try on 10 things before I finally choose something (black) and I hope that it will hide my muffin top when I sit down. I'm at my breaking point.

I am not meant to live like this! None of us are. While I sit and obsess over clothes and "covering-up", life is passing me by. I feel it. I look around and see my baby girl who is already 5. My oldest sounds like my husband. I call his voicemail that he recorded when he was 10 so I can remember what his sweet little voice used to sound like. My middle son will be taller than me in the blink of an eye. They are my precious moments and I can't let even ONE more moment pass by, being too self-absorbed with the ring around my middle to notice. I feel like I don't have energy anymore...I'm not FUN anymore. Can anyone relate to this?

Part of my problem is that I have been looking for the solution within myself. If ONLY I had enough willpower!

Well, willpower isn't the answer. In order to really make my moments matter when it comes to tackling this goal of weight loss and health, I need significant motivation to make significant changes. I think I have found my answer. Something that will work for me and help me create habits that will create lasting change. I'm very excited (and a little scared) to share my journey with you. I'll warn you up front, it WILL have UGLY moments. I am very emotionally tied to food in a bad way. Those ties are binding me and I'm suffocating. It's time once and for all to break free. It all begins tomorrow...Are you with me?

Happy New Year!

New Year's Resolutions. I love them and I hate them! Can you relate?

As in years past, I open 2013 with a new List of resolutions. May I recommend to you that this is a good time to sit down and evaluate those resolutions that you made in the midnight hour under a shroud of hope and optimism, (or maybe champagne), and see how well they fit. Are they worth the work? Are they too easy? Are they balanced just so? Will the result be a new and improved you?

In my evaluation, I have found that there are many types of resolutions. The trick to figuring out what will work for you is to find the perfect blend of worth and work. And let me tell you right now, this is going to look very different to all of us so no judging. No one person's List is any better or worse than yours.

Worthy resolutions are the ones that make us better people. We pledge to invite peace and love into our relationships. We commit to sending thank-you notes or returning phone calls, on time. We promise to stay in touch with the people with which we share a special bond, even if the day-to-day "busy" keeps our calendars unmanageably full. We vow to use a calendar - properly, like writing things down and checking it. We plan to eat better, exercise more, stress less, take on what we can manage and do it all better. No pressure, right? Not exactly, but these efforts are all worth the reward.

Then we have the work. This is the actual resolving of the resolutions, the method, the madness, the making-it-happen. And this is where resolutions typically falter. If your List is too much work, you won't succeed. If your goals are too lofty, they will remain out of reach. If your resolutions are not planned out, they will be forgotten. If you don't resolve to do the work, well, plainly, it won't get done. That will leave you feeling crappy, maybe even a bit resentful, toward your List.

So, here's my suggestion. When you are taking a look at your List, and to do this, you need to actually write that list down somewhere, the first step is to make sure you put some of the easy resolutions right up at the top. It's critically important to the life and longevity of your List to put something achievable at the very top. It's very motivational. Then, take a moment to think about the work required to make each one of these resolutions a reality. This is your plan.

For example, I want to lose 7 pounds. (OK...I know it's not a lot of weight. If I got a good old stomach bug, I could cut that number in half easily, but it's one of my goals...no judging!) The work required to lose that 7 pounds will include eating less of the sweets and exercising more, working up a real sweat and everything. (Boo!) But even if the work sounds like no fun, my goal is a worthy one that has three pairs of too-snug skinny jeans to wear after all that work. (And I threw in a pair of cute black boots to really incentivize me.) For me, that resolution combines worth and work so it's achievable! I'm keeping that one. I'll let you know how it goes.

Once you have your balanced, well-planned, manageable List, a couple of the easies right at the top, start working. And don't ignore the ones that will be a little harder to achieve...you have a plan, remember? Engage your support group (AKA family and friends) to help you stay on track. If there is a resolution you need extra encouragement to stay the course, invite one of your people to help you along that journey. They can check in with you, you can call them when you're struggling, and who knows, they may also need some reinforcement to achieve a goal or two. This is where the work meets the worth.

In 2013, my List is long. It makes me cranky and hopeful at the same time. My List is imperfect as will be my journey to fulfill it, but I'm looking forward to the challenge and the rewards that await. (I will attempt to keep my complaining to a minimum.)

And if you need some reassurance while striving for your goals, we will be here for you. Happy New Year!

{J}