The Magic Lives On

Family and friends,

During the holidays, we hope you have a chance to reflect on a timeless lesson from the season's merry mascot: Santa Claus. Often considered just a list-collecting, chimney-hopping, cookie-consuming, gift-giver, Santa is actually more of a teacher. His job is powerful and real... He shows us how to believe in something we cannot see. 

No matter our age, we need this ability to believe in things like a cause, and our friends, in ourselves, and the future. And this capacity to believe also extends to immeasurable things such as hope, faith and love. 

So, as you wrap up the year and look forward to 2025, may your holiday season be woven with peace and joy and the glorious gift to BELIEVE. And so, the magic lives on.

Love,

Jenn

All the Smushes!!

  

After we lost Magic, there was a hole the size of a 95-pound labrador in our home and hearts. We spent months visiting shelters, stopping by adoption events, looking into breeder recommendations, and contemplating whether we were ready for a puppy.

As fate would have it, a friend of mine recommended we try fostering. We went through the training at the Irvine Animal Care Center (highly recommended) and decided to try our hand with kittens first, for ease and containment concerns. 

I'm happy to say that we've now had the pleasure of fostering three times! All experiences were different, but let me tell you...it's been SOOOO rewarding!

First, we had a singleton named Chloe. She just needed a little more time to make weight. (Did you know that kittens are typically ready for adoption when they're eight weeks and at least two pounds? Tiny babies!) 

Second, we had a trio of brothers named Rae, Robin and Rosin (who we renamed Rowan based on his little personality). They were only 4-ish weeks old when we got them, just beginning to eat on their own. 

And most recently, we had a quartet of siblings who were all named after chips (Frito, Cheeto, etc.) but we couldn't remember which was which so while in our care, we called them Misty, Stormy, Marilyn and Monroe. (Can you guess who's who in the picture above?)

Yes, there were some things that we didn't expect: a few days of tummy/potty issues, an injury that wasn't really an injury but a birth defect that led to a longer-term medical foster and ultimately an amputation (UGH! But he did great and was still adopted!!), and sassy kittens who had to learn that humans were not so scary. And of course there were tears with every return, but still, we're back in the system and waiting for the next call.

Somehow, these little purring+cuddling+playing machines, have the power to wipe away stress, sadness, worry, and boredom within minutes! And our time with them has had a healing effect that we couldn't have imagined. 

Plus, we get to see these sweet little smushes launch into life. We pray that each one finds their very best forever home and that they'll always remember the brief bit of time that we got to love them.

So my PSA: if you have a spare bedroom and some extra love to share, please consider fostering. It's so so good for the soul. 

{J}

Bucket List Anyone?

 

Friends, do you have a bucket list? Perhaps there's BIG adventures on it, or even little, more attainable excursions? Maybe you have some ideas just floating around in your head, the place where dreams live? Well, put 'em on paper and see what happens.

Now that we're 50+, and we seem to have a little more free time to start putting us first, it's been fun to formalize the fantasies, and even make plans to bring them to light. On our wish list:

1. Move to another country for a summer.
2. Take the kids on an international trip for the boys' college graduations, (both in Spring, 2025).
3. Go to (at least) one concert a year.
4. Try a new restaurant in a city 30+ minutes away every month.
5. Go to a museum, art gallery, or unique theatrical performance each season.
6. Listen to live music, just more.
7. Say yes to trying new things.

Lists can obviously change, grow and adjust, based on life circumstances, but it's exciting to be in this stage where we can intentionally think about our own wishes and wants. A silver lining of the empty-ish nest.

Also, my parents have started this new tradition of taking their children and their partners (me+Michael, and/or brothers+partners, etc.) on one of THEIR bucket list trips. Isn't that GENIUS!?! My parents generously make the plans and arrangements, and then we support with things like driving, locating restaurants and some sights-to-see, and the things that might be a little more challenging for young 80-somethings. 

So far, we've been on to Canada twice: Niagara Falls, Toronto, and Banff and Jasper National Parks with them. And the memories are PRICELESS! 

So, if you don't have a bucket list yet, whatcha waiting for? Being mid-life may be wrought with the challenges of aging, but maybe it's also a perfect time to make the most of this one, wild and precious life, to whatever extent you can. Perhaps there's a tradition waiting to blossom in your cherished family...

Happy planning, friends.  

{J}

Good Boy, Magic

Losing a pet is hard. Very hard. Just after Christmas, we said good-bye to our loyal Labrador Magic. He was almost 14. He was the very first family pet that we got with the kids. I remember the car-ride like it was yesterday. We hadn't told them where we were going...it was one of our family's BEST surprises!

In my opinion, chocolate lab puppies are just the cutest! And he was such a good boy. Mellow, obedient, full of joy. And he really loved being with his humans. He went on countless camping trips, beach swims, walks, and even hikes through the snow. He wanted to be wherever we were. And there was always a family member who felt the same about him.

For nearly 14 years.

As fate would have it, the boys were home from college when we made the call to the vet. We knew the quality-of-life appointment could result in the hardest decision, but it felt serendipitous that we could be there for Magic's last car ride, like we were together for his first. And Dr. French, the most empathetic vet we'd ever met, was gentle with her assessment, with her recommendation. She made it okay for us to let him go. In her words, "Labs will never tell you when they're ready. They just want to make their people happy."

But Magic was ready. 

So we fed him spoonfuls of peanut butter and pressed our faces to his floppy ears and soft cheeks. We cried as we rubbed his belly and hugged him tightly around the neck. We took comfort in knowing that he wouldn't be in pain anymore. That we'd been blessed to love him for his long and happy life. That it was time. 

The first few weeks are the hardest. The empty dog dish, the lonely leash, the nose smudges on the french doors, the dog toys. We waded through the early days of missing him, because that was the cost of loving him. 

And slowly, very slowly, our sadness was replaced with memories. Memories of socks eaten and holes dug and ocean swims and long walks and his happy, wagging tale, and his soft snore, and his soul-searching eye contact, and his wild zoomies. As we let those joyful moments come to mind, as we started to text pics of him in the family group chat, we started to let the healing begin. 

Thank you for being ours, Magic. We will always love you. Give Milo and Dakota big hugs from us. We will see you again. Until then, enjoy the endless dog treats. Good boy.

An excerpt from one of our favorites books, Dog Heaven, by Cynthia Rylant:

"Dogs in Dog Heaven have almost always belonged to somebody on Earth and, of course, the dogs remember this. Heaven is full of memories. So sometimes, an angel will walk a dog back to Earth for a little visit and quietly, invisibly, the dog will sniff about his old backyard, will investigate the cat next door, will follow the child to school, will sit on the front porch and wait for the mail. When he is satisfied that all is well, the dog will return to Heaven with the angel. It is where dogs belong, near God who made them...

"Dogs in Dog Heaven may stay as long as they like and this can mean forever. They will be there when old friends show up. They will be there at the door. Angel dogs."

{J}

Cheers to Making It!

 

When you're a child, Valentine's Day means decorating a shoebox to collect fun notes and cards and sweet treats from your classmates. There may even be a lunch exchange or a party. And whether you like all of your classmates, you'll bring enough Valentines to share with everyone. It's an "equal opportunity" holiday.

When you're a teenager, Valentine's Day has a little more at stake. The girls hope they get some sort of acknowledgement from the boy they like and the boys just hope that the girl likes them back. The communication about "the liking" is typically carried out by the friends of the supposed "likees." It's a "socially conscious" holiday.

When you're a young adult, Valentine's Day is about over-analyzing the level of investment of your first serious partner. Your expectations are high and the pressure's on. Your gift needs to represent exactly how you feel for him/her/them without overshooting or underestimating, either of which could be deadly. It's a "make it or break it" holiday.

When you're a newlywed, Valentine's Day is about indulgence. Fancy dinners, elaborate gifts, extensive foreplay and lingering passion. You and your partner are completely into each other therefore, demonstrating your undying love is paramount. If it's social-media worthy, even better... It's a "more is better" holiday.

When you're a parent to babies or youngens, Valentine's Day is about falling deeper in love. You never imagined your partner could become more attractive but seeing them love your little ones--changing a diaper, singing a lullaby, kissing a boo-boo, telling a bedtime story--fertilizes that deep-rooted emotion you have for the person you've chosen as your partner-in-all-things. It's a "count-your-blessings" holiday.

When you're a parent to tweens and teens, Valentine's Day is about remembering the reason you fell in love in the first place. Life is less about your marriage and more about the all-consuming, completely exhausting, totally thankless job of parenthood. Even though you're tired and the newlywed luster has faded while the business of life has settled in, it's more important than ever to sincerely demonstrate what a loving relationship looks like. Your children are watching and they need to see that the terms "unconditional" and "everlasting" are attainable and worthy of the work. It's a "put-your-money-where-your-mouth-is" holiday.

When you're an empty-nester, Valentine's Day is about a more refined level of indulgence than during your newlywed bliss. You enjoy life at a slower pace and have discovered a true understanding of what your lover wants and needs. On a daily basis, you act out your vows with more intention and promise than ever before. You are also so so thankful that the work got you to here. Not every partnership survives. It's a "gratefulness" holiday.

So on this Valentine's Day, please take the opportunity to surround yourself with the people you care about, sharing your love and fostering relationships that will last throughout all the seasons of your life. In fact, the same goes for the other 364 days of the year. After all, there is no limit to love. Valentine's Day really should be a year-round endeavor.

Cheers. xoxox 

Jenn

New Year + New Word!!

 

Happy New Year!! How did we get to 2024?!? 

Today, as I reflect back on 2023 and all of the ways I stretched and stabilized, along with a milestone birthday, I feel nothing but gratitude, and frankly amazement, that I got here. So much of it seems a blur. 

So...looking into this next year, I plan to be better at recording allthethings. Here are the priorities on my mind and in my heart: 

• Fostering relationships
• Prioritizing health
• Planning adventures
• Recording the moments
• Learning new things
• Writing more blog posts
• Finishing my work in progress

Which brings me to this year's word. It's simple, straightforward, and packs a punch. 

ONWARD!

Feel free to play along.

Happy New Year!! What’s your one word?

Love, 

Jenn

#oneword2024 #keepingitmessy #itwasthebestoftimes

Listen, Learn, Create

Happy December friends!

Although we haven't been recording podcasts lately, we have been listening to so many. Here are our favorites for creatives, or anyone inspired to bring a pen to paper and jot a story down.

• Manuscript Academy
• Fiction Writing Made Easy
• The Creative Penn Podcast

Enjoy the inspiration!

Jenn

Photo by Mohammad Metri on Unsplash

And She Flies!

This is our baby. Our first born. Our heart.

Today, she graduates from college. 

Today, she closes the chapter on her education and prepares for her next great adventure.

Today, she gets to bask in her success, and the anticipation of what's to come.  

Today, she can own her wildest dreams, take the reins of her unfolding story. 

Today, she celebrates. Today, we celebrate.
Congratulations Isabella Rose. We are so proud of you!
We're your biggest fans.

Love,

Mom and Dad, Logan and Noah, Grandpa and Grandma 

The Cost of Creativity

Two of my three young adult children, in some way, wish to be writers. They are young adults though, so a million things could change, especially their minds. Dare I hope their minds? 

When people ask, "What are they studying?" or "What do they want to do?" or any variation of the inquiry, and I explain the potential writing part, they all exclaim, "Ahhh....just like their Mom!" I'm sure they expect me to overflow with pride and joy, but if I'm honest, pride is the very last emotion I feel in those moments. Apprehension, fear, heaviness, foreboding...followed by a fierce level of protectiveness, are more likely. 

Let me explain.

Writing is a beautiful venture. It fuels the soul and taps into the most intense longings of your heart. It's stretching and satisfying all at once. It's the closest to controlling your loveliest dreams and reigning in your most desperate fears. The creative arts are enriching and restorative and life-giving. They are also life-sucking.

Putting a pen to paper and sending it into the world for others to see will always leave you exposed and raw and open and vulnerable. Oftentimes, your work will be noticed, maybe even exalted. But sometimes, it can be misunderstood and criticized, or even worse, dismissed, and that rejection. It will break your heart. Such pain, my sweet children, I'd do anything to shield you from.

Writing for writing's sake, is the truest and most worthy endeavor. Writing for fame and fortune, more like a cautionary tale.

One might ask why I do it then. Well, if you ask any writer this question, whether successful or novice, most of us have the same answer: Because I can't not write. It's just not an option. 

So sweet children of mine, don't let my hesitation stop you. If the wild words call to you, if your writing demands to be written, take to the pen and let it flow. Whatever the result, I'm sure it will be magnificent, and I will love every word, for I understand the beauty and the cost.

Carry on, creatives. 

Love,

Jenn

Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

Homecomings and Heartaches

It may look like just a La Croix can but it’s not. It’s Noah’s. And we just dropped him off at the airport at the end of his Spring break. I know this can is his because he always takes the tabs off his cans. He fiddles with them, he chews on them, he plays around them until it's time to drop them right into the cans from which they cometh.  It used to totally bug me because those tabs typically ended up in the sink or the garbage disposal! But not this one. I’ll drain the can carefully and toss it in the recycle bin, tab included. And when I do, it signifies the end. (I know!! I’m so dramatic!) But really, it's the end of our wonderful, spring break of freshman year, visit. The end of the nine days when my heart got back into its comfortable and familiar rhythm of Noah being home. The end of a glorious week witnessing his casual comings and goings, of feeling his presence. When your child moves away and comes back for a visit, with them returns a level of joy when walking through the house and stumbling upon little reminders of them…like socks, hats, wrappers, keys, sweatshirts, whatever. Well, that’s all done now. Sure, he’ll be home in less than three months, but my soul had just forgotten the ache it endured when he was several states away. And my soul doesn’t want to remember. It doesn’t get easier. My heart is heavy and also full, so I’ll hang onto that. Until the next homecoming. Thanks for listening. Jenn

Better Late Than Never ... #oneword 2023

Happy belated New Year friends! 2023 marks the 10th year of this blog and the writing partnership Holly and I began when our babies were truly babies and our passion project was our sanity. We have grown, we have changed, and we have endured. For this, I am so grateful.

So a little bit ago, we had our New-Year-New-Intentions dinner at one of our favorite spots: Nick's in San Clemente. (If you haven't tried the Salty Pear Martini, you are missing out on something magical. Go. Enjoy. You're welcome.) 

Anyway, at the beginning of every year, sometimes closer to the first than others, we gather our thoughts and our desires and brainstorm ALLTHEWRITERLYTHINGS. It's a perfect way to center ourselves and reorient our personal and writing goals. 

So, back to Nick's and martinis, which, by the way, offer some great inspiration...that's when Holly revealed her #oneword. (It's soooo good...you'll hear from her soon.) And I sat baffled because, my word was alluding me. Actually, I had several words swimming around my head and they were mostly of the pessimistic variety, I.e.: overwhelmed, uninspired, discombobulated, afraid, unsure. Don't those sound fun? 

Thankfully, my genius writing partner has a Master's degree in Psychology and she was able to help me process the thoughts. It came down to this: if I want to actively begin publishing blog posts + marketing our book projects, then I have to actively re-engage with social media.  

(Aside: I've been mostly off social media for about two years, not for any particular reason but it's been centering, restorative, and all-sorts-of easy. And the thought of maintaining it all again feels a little daunting. Lovely to see everyone more, but still, daunting. Maybe it's just me.) 

But I'm trying to look at tip-toeing back into FB and IG and T and P as a purposeful and meaningful venture. In the past, social media was so much of how we managed the things relating to kids: social or sport or school events that they (perhaps) forgot to tell me about. Or Ladera Moms to make sure they weren't up to shenanigans (so glad to be out of that stage!). But with young adults managing their own stuff, the need-to-know is beautifully less.

Also, I'll let you into a little secret: I have a personal goal of being an agented writer by the time I'm 50. Which is....um, close. Which means we need to get our book-baby back into the world, and into the right hands. (And it's been close...it's been nurtured...it feels soooo ready!! Holly and I are ready!) 

So, thank you for following my train of thought and being patient. I really wanted to share the path that led me to my #oneword. I wanted to invite you in. It's part of being OPEN. Open to opportunities = open to criticism. Open to chances = open to success, but also = open to failure.

But OPEN, nonetheless, is my #oneword for 2023. 

I'm ready 2023. I'm here. I'm OPEN.

Friends, you may see us around a little more than you have and we appreciate your warm hugs. Community is what makes life special. Connection is essential. Even in seasons when we take a break to hibernate and process all of life's little and BIG changes. 

So, tell me, what's your #oneword for 2023? Whatever it is, we're cheering you on as you embrace it. 

All the love,

{J & H}

#keepitmessy 

Image credit: Photo by James Lee on Unsplash

NaNoWriMo2022

National Novel Writing Month is almost here!! Again, we're taking advantage of the NaNoWriMo campaign to put some finishing touches on our joint project - The Vale and I'm hoping to complete the first draft of my new YA ghost story.

I already have close to 45,000 words in my first draft and to finish, I hope to get to around 80,000 words. So when I do the math, I need to write roughly 1200 words/day, around 10 pages. That feels like A LOT!

Again, some of our critique group friends are joining in the fun so we get to share the creative energy of the writing process. I know we're going to LOVE their stories!

If you're curious at all, visit www.nanowrimo.org to get more information and inspired. It's and AMAZING conglomeration of talent and motivation.

Wish us luck on NaNoWriMo2022!! 

#keepitcreative #keepitmessy

{J & H}

Empty Nesting Coping

 

Last year, when Logan left for college, we decided to get a new kitten. 

This year, when Noah left for college, we decided to get a new kitchen.

Projects give purpose. They're a great distraction. When you have to empty ALLTHEDRAWERSANDCABINETS, it takes your mind of your (mostly)-empty nest. Each little step takes time. Each decision is utterly important: lay-out, style, color, tone, stone, paint, knobs, pulls, etc. etc. etc. Each requires more mental energy.

So, the search has started for (duh, duh, duh...) backsplash. Wish me luck. 

I'll share before/after photos once the madness is done. By then, my kitchen will be beautiful and my heart will have settled into the new feel of our family. 

Happy Fall Y'all! #keepitmessy

{J}

 

Something New?

No, no one's getting married. We're just in a transition period. Blogging, writing, creating. These are the things that get left behind when life steps in. The life of work, raising young adults, caring for family members, running a house, and all of the other responsibilities that accompany the title of parent. 

So, Holly and I have barely worked on our book in the last eight months. After completing the requested R&R for an awesome agent in the fall, we put the book aside and tended to ALLTHEOTHERTHINGS. Unfortunately, after the new year, we learned that the agent who held our baby in her hands, while praising the edits and the story-telling, did not feel the timing was right for her to take us on as a client. 

Enter the disappointment. Then also enter a job change with the potential for a relocation, drama with children, family activities, college tours, graduations, over-demanding work, etc., and it was easier to put our book on hold so we could manage ALLTHEOTHERTHINGS. It makes me sad to say it: The Vale just wasn't a priority. Couldn't be.

Now here we are. Dare I say things have settled down a wee bit? Yes, our lives seem to have a little more room to spare. But the question lingers: What do we really want to do with that time? Do we want to take the torch and run with our WIP again? Are we ready for the work? Can we commit to each other and to our band of characters who wait in the wings? Is now the time to put The Vale back into the world?

Or perhaps there's something new awaiting discovery...time will tell.

It you're at a crossroads, whatever it may be, consider us sending you strength and clarity and support. Twisty-turny as the path may be, you're not alone. Carry on boldly, friends. We're cheering you on.

Love,

Jenn and Holly

#roadsaremeantfortraveling #TheVale #awritersheartneedstowrite #keepingthedreamalive

Photo by Justin Luebke on Unsplash

Congratulations Graduate!

This is our baby. Our youngest. Our heart.

Today he graduates from high school.

Today, he closes the chapter of his youth and prepares for the next great adventure.

Today, he will bask in his determination, his passion, his success. 

Today, he claims ownership of his wild dreams, his lofty goals, his story. 

Today, he celebrates. Today, we celebrate.
Congratulations Noah. We are so proud of you!
We'll be front and center for the next chapter, cheering you on and supporting you every step.
You got this!!
Godspeed!

Love In All Seasons

When you're a child, Valentine's Day means decorating a shoe box to collect fun notes and cards and sweet treats from your classmates. There may even be a lunch exchange or a party. And whether you like all of your classmates, you'll bring enough Valentines to share with everyone in your class. It's an "equal opportunity" holiday.

When you're a teenager, Valentine's Day has a little more at stake. The girls hope they get some sort of acknowledgement from the boy they like and the boys just hope that the girl likes them back. The communication about "the liking" is typically carried out by the friends of the supposed "likee," probably through social media. It's a "socially conscious" holiday.

When you're a young adult, Valentine's Day is about over-analyzing the level of investment of your first serious mate. Your expectations are high and the pressure's on. Your gift needs to represent exactly how you feel for him or her without overshooting or underestimating, either of which could be deadly. It's a "make-it-or-break-it" holiday.

When you're a newlywed, Valentine's Day is about indulgence. Fancy dinners, elaborate gifts, extensive foreplay and lingering passion. You and your spouse are completely into each other and demonstrating your undying love is paramount. If it's IG-worthy, even better...you'll score major bonus points. It's a "more-is-better" holiday.

When you're a parent to babies or young children, Valentine's Day is about falling deeper in love. You never imagined your spouse could become more attractive, but seeing them love your little ones--changing a diaper, singing a lullaby, kissing a boo-boo, telling a bedtime story--fertilizes that deep-rooted emotion you have for the person you've chosen as your partner in all things. It's a "count-your-blessings" holiday.

When you're a parent to tweens and teens, Valentine's Day is about remembering the reason you fell in love in the first place. Life is less about your marriage and more about your all-consuming, completely-exhausting, totally thankless job of parenthood. Even though you're tired and the newlywed luster has faded while the business of life has settled in, it's more important than ever to sincerely demonstrate what a loving relationship looks like. Your children are watching and they need to see that the terms "unconditional" and "everlasting" are attainable and worthy of the work. It's a "put-your-money-where-your-mouth-is" holiday.

When you're an empty-nester, Valentine's Day is about a more refined level of indulgence than during your newlywed bliss. You enjoy life at a slower pace and have discovered a true understanding of what your lover wants and needs. On a daily basis, you act out your vows with more intention and promise than ever before. It's a "slow-and-steady" holiday.

So on this Valentine's Day, please take the opportunity to surround yourself with the people you care about, sharing your love and fostering relationships that will last throughout all the seasons of your life. In fact, the same goes for the other 364 days of the year. After all, there is no limit to love.

{J}

Happy New Year!! 2022...The Year Of Hope

GREAT NEWS!!

We completed the R&R and sent it off to the requesting agent. Please join us in sending good vibes and thoughts into the universe that our edits match the agent's vision, and she decides to partner with us on our journey to publication. 

For anyone still pursuing a dream, here's a beautiful poem to keep you inspired.

Never Let Go of Hope by Jancarl Campi

One day you will see that it all has finally come together.

What you have always wished for has finally come to be.

You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?”

Just never let go of hope. Just never quit dreaming. And never let love depart from your life.

Wishing you the best of 2022.

Love, 

Jenn and Holly

Photo credit: Nick Fewings on Unsplash

R & R News

Hi friends,

Holly and I are super excited to be working on an R & R, and no, that's not "Rest and Rejuvenation." (We WISH!) It's a "Revise and Resubmit" request. It's common in the writing world for writers seeking representation from a literary agent. (And we're thrilled about the agent we're revising for!)

You know...it's another part of this thrilling, stretching, fulfilling, harrowing adventure we're on. But the great news is that The Vale is closer to the next step, and that my friends, will always be progress. Motivating progress. 

So you might have noticed we've been a little sluggish on the blog and social media lately but it's for a good cause. 

Following the dream friends. Making it happen. YOU can too!

Stay tuned and thanks for all the support. We're excited to share The Vale with you hopefully soooon!! 

xoxox ~ Jenn & Holly

(For a more detailed description, read this great post about R&R's from Writer's Digest.)

Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

Writing With Writer's Block

There are no truer words, right writers?

Anyone feeling particularly tortured right now? We hear you. We see you. We are SO with you.

That is all.

Keep creating. The world needs your stories.

{Jenn & Holly}

#writingcommunity #amwriting #evenwithwritersblock #keepitmessy 

Social Media Fasting

It was painful at first, like starting a new diet. I was perhaps a bit cranky. But it was necessary.

The Social Media Fast!

Have you ever tried giving up something that you didn't have a healthy relationship with? Well, that was Facebook and Instagram for me. It really started during fall of 2020, when the vast majority of my feed seemed to transform from cute kids, spunky pets, and funny memes to anger, frustration, and negativity over all-things-politics-and-pandemic.

I'm not saying that any of those BIG, complicated, intense emotions were unfounded, I felt them too, but when what's supposed to be relaxing scrolling time lost the relaxation bit, well, it took a toll.

Like with any addiction, and don't kid yourself, scrolling and trolling can be addicting, one has to first realize there's a problem. 

I admit, I found myself being sucked into watching how online arguments would unfold. I didn't dare participate, I just grabbed the proverbial popcorn and let the angst be my entertainment. It was gross. I felt gross. That's when I knew I needed to make a change.

So, on December 31, not as part of any grand New Year's resolution or anything, I decided I would take a little break. I thought I'd stay off through President Biden's inauguration - platforms seemed unusually nasty after the election on both sides of the spectrum. Just a few weeks. It wasn't going to be permanent.

But then something interesting happened: everything felt lighter. Happier. Simpler. 

By mid-January, I'd mostly gotten over missing it, I'd filled the time with some other fun distractions (mostly puzzles and writing) so the fast continued.

Please understand, this is not a judgment on anyone's use of social media. Nor is this a deep-dive into how social media impacts mental health. There are so many positives that can come from the various platforms, like getting blog posts out. :-) But for me, and perhaps for some of you out there, if you notice a negative impact, maybe a break is a good idea. 

If any part of this post tugs at a little part of your heart, here are some simple steps you can take:

• Check your usage on your phone. If you have an iPhone, you can see how much time you spend on each app by going to Settings - Screen Time - See All Activity - Week or Day.
• If you are surprised or shocked at how much time you spend scrolling, think about a reasonable limit. Then commit to it. 
• If you decide to just cut back, be selective with who and what you follow. Choosing where you engage and muting negative voices are things within your power. Use it.
• Maybe with the family or a group of friends, you can make a fun game out of cutting that time back. I highly recommend prizes. It's way more motivating to change a bad habit when you have incentives and a support system.   
• Replace scrolling time with something else you love. Phone dates with good friends, a fun house project, one-on-one time with someone special, a new hobby, reading, art, meditation, etc. 
• WARNING: Quitting cold turkey like I did may lead to withdrawal symptoms...seriously. But you know yourself and maybe a quick rip of the bandaid is the best way for you. Stay strong. 

If you decide you need to take a break from any unhealthy habit, social media included, don't be too hard on yourself. Life surely seems to be more complicated and nuanced and volatile lately, and the need for a little escape is real. My advice: choose your escape wisely.

Sending you love and peace and stamina, friends. 

{J} 

P.S. If you haven't already, go watch The Social Dilemma on Netflix. It's insightful. 

Photo by Inspa Makers on Unsplash